Why Does Valentine’s Day Make Me Sad?
This article was written by Freya Robbins
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and that probably means you could be 1 of 2 people around this holiday; 1: the person who gets really into this holiday and loves every aspect of it, and is really excited about it, or 2: You want nothing to do with this holiday and don’t know why it exists, maybe because you’re in a relationship that isn’t all you hoped it would be, and continue to get let down year after year. This season is a sad time for you, and you are left feeling unfulfilled, unloved, or all together just sad and unhappy.
So, I am going to approach writing this letter to each of you individually:
Person 1: Love is filling the air and your relationship has been consistently in a good place now for a while, any lingering thoughts you may have had about dipping your toe into the grass on the other side has vanished. You pick out your best outfit for the big date night and have the perfect gift planned for your spouse. The night arrives and your spouse went all out, even to the smallest details in what you had mentioned you would really like. You go to dinner together and spend that time connecting, reflecting, and really focusing on each other to grow that bond and intimacy. You talk about hopes, dreams, and goals you have set individually as well as together as a couple. All the hard times you have had together have really started paying off, you took the time to go to counseling separately and as a couple and have both put in the effort to make changes for the betterment of your relationship.
Person 2: Valentine’s Day, Shmalentine’s Day; am I right? This dreaded day comes every year as another reminder that your relationship just isn’t what you wanted or hoped it would be. You see all the other couples around everywhere that look so in love, and it makes you want to puke. Sure, maybe you used to be one of those people, but not in a long time. You discretely mention maybe wanting to do something with your spouse on this day in passing, but you know they won’t catch the hint and you’ll be left disappointed another year again. You come home from work and your spouse picked up some flowers and chocolate at the convenience store and brought take-out home to eat in the living room while that two of you watch your favorite show together. You tell yourself over and over internally that at least it was something and not totally forgotten about, and don’t bring up the feelings you’re experiencing or your disappointment of how you had hoped things would go.
If you are person 1 in these two scenarios you probably have good communication with your partner and are on the same page in terms of goals, wants, desires, and joint effort into the relationship. You spend time nurturing your relationship in small ways daily and know that you both have made a conscious decision to choose each other day after day. You know how each other operate best together and work towards building a healthy growing relationship together.
If you are person 2 and find yourself struggling in getting your needs met, it doesn’t mean this is the end. Choosing to talk about what you need and want and communicating that to your partner is important, everyone is human and not perfect and not a mind reader, advocating for yourself and saying, “hey, I need…” is important for both partners. Taking time to talk to your spouse about the things that are important to you, how you need to receive love and what both of you can do together to help your relationship grow, if one or both of you find that you’re no longer interested in putting in the effort for your relationship, than things to consider before calling it quits is seeking out a 3rd party professional like a coach, counselor, or relationship mediator to help assist you and your spouse. If you’re struggling and unsure of what to do, call Zollinger Mediation for a free 15-minute phone consultation.