Tending Your Relationship Garden

This article was written by Freya Robbins

I remember the day (many years ago, now) I decided to make a conscious effort to be more mindful of who I chose to spend time with. Not all of my friends had the same aspirations and motivation I did. They were good, decent people, but I came to realize that in many ways they had been holding me back. I always had dreams of being more, accomplishing greater things and many of my friends were quite satisfied keeping the status quo.

Do you remember, when your parents tried to tell you, “You will become like the people you spend time around”? Or maybe birds of a feather, flock together? If you want to be better, hang out with someone that is better than you. I know that is how I learned to play racquetball: by getting beat, a lot!

Well, as it turns out, our parents weren’t just nagging at us. They saw something in us and perhaps in our friends that they recognized as something that would keep us from our full potential. And while it seemed insignificant at the time, I think we can see, as we get older and wiser that there is a truth to this and who we spend our time with is just as important as how we spend it.

Setting and maintaining these standards and boundaries helps us maintain healthy relationships. We can find ourselves getting lax from time to time and it’s good to take a step back and evaluate if you’ve let your standards slip. Once you have established these standards, you will be better equipped to only allow people in your life that help you be a better you. Your friends will be people who will hold you accountable and will challenge you in a good way. They may share some of your dreams, or if not, they will surely support your dreams, just like you will support theirs.

When you have carefully selected and nurtured the right relationships, you will be able to give abundantly and freely without feeling that you will be taken advantage of or controlled. I believe this to be true for our love relationships, our work relationships and our friendships.

I expect you are going to ask me about family relationships, because we don’t get to choose our family! Of course, you are right. But while we don’t have a choice about who our family is, we do have a choice about who in our family we spend time with and how much time we spend with them. If anyone in your family isn’t kind, doesn’t respect you or include you and support your dreams, then is there any real reason to give energy to that relationship? You can certainly still be helpful and civil with family members that you would not and do not choose to keep as friends.

We want to give freely and abundantly to those we love that love us back as we love them. Let those people know how much they matter to us, for tomorrow they might not be with us.

Several years ago, right after Thanksgiving I lost my mother to cancer. She was my greatest supporter and dearest friend. She never nosed into my business but was always there with a gentle, listening ear when I needed her, which was always. We laughed and cried together. She taught me to laugh at myself and to never to take myself too seriously. I was her rock as she maneuvered through some unhealthy relationships of her own. I now realize, she was my rock, too! I would choose her again as my mother.

Choose your friends and yes, your family, wisely.