What Everybody Ought to Know About Relationships and the Holidays

This article was written by Freya Robbins

The holidays are swiftly approaching, for some that means exciting family traditions, travel, and comfort and for others that means stress, interacting with family members that you aren’t fond of, and just making it through that day without an altercation. Let’s dive a little deeper into this topic. In this blog we will be talking about holidays when it comes to 

• New traditions
• Holidays alone
• Holidays with family
• Blended family holidays

Maybe this year you have just gotten married, or just recently separated from your spouse. The holidays will never be “the same”. 

Creating new traditions as an individual, couple, or family is an exciting time! You get to pick what you want to do; you can pull from things from your childhood and incorporate them into new traditions or combine them together. 

Remember to allow the incorporation of yours or your new partners’ old traditions. Maybe you just moved to a new place and want to create some traditions with friends, that’s the great part about it. 

You get to decide what works best for you and create something new to pass on in the future or try something new every year. Here are 5 ways you can create new traditions.

• Host the holidays in your home
• Do something interactive that keeps everyone engaged
• Change your scenery
• Adopt a child, family, or senior in your community
• Volunteer as a family at a soup kitchen, food pantry, homeless shelter, etc.

Holidays alone. This can be tough, but there is light along the way. Holidays can be a sad time. Whether you are alone in a different state than your family, or you have lost loved ones, take comfort in knowing that it is okay to be sad. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily lives we don’t stop long enough to feel our emotions. Maybe this year you take the time to honor your loved ones that have passed on by keeping a tradition alive and honoring them. If you are states away try connecting new friends and creating a new tradition, joining in with friends and their family, or connecting with your family through live video.

Your family might be in the same community as you, but maybe there are strained feelings between you that make you feel alone or maybe you are with your partner’s family, and you don’t feel very close to them so it’s similar to feeling alone.  Respect your own feelings and do your best to honor those you choose to celebrate with.  If you don’t enjoy being alone invite people who are also alone to celebrate with you. Here are 5 ways you can spend the holidays differently when you’re alone.

• Do something that brings back good nostalgic memories
• Watch a favorite movie
• Go for a walk
• Invite a neighbor who is alone to celebrate with you
• Host a friends potluck get together

Holidays with family can be one of two things, good or bad. If you have family relationships that are strained and you must tolerate them on these obligatory days, then the holidays may not be your favorite. If you have a close-knit family, coming together may be the highlight of the year for you when you get to connect with one another. If you have a new family with your spouse, what do you want to create together as a family to pass along to your children?

My daughter has a favorite memory from holidays growing up, “When I was little, my mom would get a list of things all of my siblings and I wanted, then she would set up “Santa’s workshop” and let us go shopping with our allowance for items at a discounted rate. It was always so much fun feeling like I got to choose something for my siblings that they wanted and feel like it was actually coming from me.”  These special family traditions can keep the spirit of family tradition alive for generations. Here are 5 ways to include family in holiday traditions.

• Ask your children what they enjoy most about the holidays
• Involve your children in making plans or shopping
• Cook your favorite holiday treats together
• Create new traditions as a new family
• Talk about boundaries & set realistic expectations before attending family gatherings

Blended family holidays can present their own set of obstacles. How do you make sure everyone is included and traditions are kept alive while being able to create new ones together? Open communication as a family and talking with your children and partner about what they really like and look forward to for the upcoming holidays can be a great way to include those things they really look forward to while being able to add new traditions or make changes to honor each other.

Do you do holidays with both families combined? Or do the households celebrate separately on different days? Don’t be afraid to speak honestly about your desires and create new traditions that work for everyone. Here are 5 ways to celebrate the holidays with a blended family.

• Talk amongst the adults well in advance to agree on a time-sharing schedule
• Talk openly with your children about what is different and what can still be the same
• Take a trip together and try a new experience instead of gifts
• Do a gift exchange where one person secretly buys for another person
• Create a space to talk about favorite holiday memories