Divorce Options: Private Mediation vs. Litigation

Folded Hands With Wedding Bands And Divorce Papers

This article was written by Freya Robbins

There are a lot of extreme fundamental differences between the private mediation process and litigated divorce.  The good news is that the option is almost entirely up to you. 

Note: If your case involves any kind of domestic violence or child abuse your case belongs in the hands of a capable Family Law Attorney.  You may very well need the protection of the statutes and a judge that will enforce the rules.  Having an attorney may also assist you if you are having a difficult time negotiating with an overly controlling spouse.

Three People In Conference With Gavel And Balance Scales On Table

If you both feel that you can no longer work it out being married and you want to be fair, yet neither one of you want to be taken advantage of, you might want to consider private mediation.  It is a private and privileged process where a mediator serves as a neutral party to assist you in reaching an agreement. Many people are unaware that in many states, Florida being one of them, mediation is a requirement prior to taking the issues to court for a judge to decide.

You probably have a lot of questions running through your mind.  “What is he thinking?”  Or, “What is she thinking?”  Do you think your spouse feels the same as you do?  It is an awkward time, but it is better to begin having conversations about how to resolve your differences, before the conflict gets out of hand. It is likely that you have already stopped communicating with one another effectively, which does make it tricky.  The mediator’s job is to be resourceful in helping you two share your concerns and ideas in a way that does not cause your spouse to have a knee jerk reaction, or you, for that matter.

When you want to have more control over the outcome rather than letting a judge decide issues for you, consider mediation, where you will have the opportunity to discuss your interests. Everything from financial issues such as division of assets and alimony to parenting issues such as decisions about the children and time sharing will be worked out in mediation.

Couple Seated Side By Side Facing A Professional

No one is forced to decide during mediation, yet the mediator is there to help you look at your situation from a different perspective and might suggest a solution that you or your spouse had not even thought to be possible.  The ability to reduce the overall cost of a dissolution of marriage is an added benefit. The cost of litigation can be 5-10 times more than mediation. Personally, I would rather see that money used for you and your family.

Mediation is likely to be faster because you aren’t hampered by the time constraints of coordinating the schedule of 5 or more people which can be the litigated alternative (a collaborative option has even more people involved and so goes the expenses). Mediating in good faith is a choice, and it is an opportunity to create a win-win situation for both of you and your family. It is important to keep your children in the forefront of your decisions and litigated divorces can cause the angst between you to be higher rather than help you to be rational and resolve your differences. The opportunity exists also to create a new and different relationship with your spouse. Wouldn’t you rather end this knowing you did the right thing and are the best parents ever to your children? You might not be married in the future, but you will always be mom and dad to your children and that is very important for them, even if they are grown up! If there was one thing I could help couples focus on, it would be that how they handle the divorce process will forever affect their family. Your children are watching you and are learning how you are handling this. Character is built in the tough times, not the easy times.

Jigsaw Puzzle With One Piece Labeled Mediation

The opportunity to share your thoughts, feeling and concerns with your spouse can be important in the healing process and the mediator will assist you with that.  The mediation process also allows you to continue to focus on the important things in your life like being a parent and maintaining your career instead of being deluged by the litigated divorce process that may end up making you feel like your divorce is a second job and sucking the energy and finances right out of you.

The opportunity to share your thoughts, feeling and concerns with your spouse can be important in the healing process and the mediator will assist you with that.  The mediation process also allows you to continue to focus on the important things in your life like being a parent and maintaining your career instead of being deluged by the litigated divorce process that may end up making you feel like your divorce is a second job and sucking the energy and finances right out of you.

If you are wondering how marital mediation could help mend or stabilize your marriage or how divorce mediation might help you transition out of your marriage through the divorce process into a better long-term parenting relationship, give us a call. Ask yourself, do I need a lawyer or a mediator?

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Freya Robbins

Freya has been assisting families for years, combining professional training and her own experience in marriage, parenting and divorce; she truly relates to her clients. Freya founded Zollinger Mediation was in 2004, and she has been assisting families with divorce mediation, marital mediation, pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements and eldercare mediation since. Freya business is known as The Positive Alternative to adversarial divorce. She educates her clients and shares ideas in a straightforward but accepting way about how to resolve conflict. In addition to her mediation practice, Freya holds a Series 6 License and is licensed to sell Life and Health Insurance, Annuities, Mutual Funds and Retirement plans. She holds a Certification in Long Term Care (CLTC) and is certified as a Chartered Special Needs Consultant (ChSNC). She helps families with special needs as she has a son with Epilepsy. She also cared for both of her parents as they needed assistance with care and in preparation for passing. Freya has written articles for West Coast Woman Magazine, the Observer and has been volunteer speaker for the Women’s Resource Center of Sarasota County. Freya is an advocate for eliminating Childhood Sexual Abuse and serves on the Board of the Child Protection Center in Sarasota, FL. Freya raised her 2 children as a single parent while building her businesses. Freya serves on the board of the Sarasota County Senior Advocacy Council and Josh Provides Epilepsy Support Group. Her most recent claim to fame is her marriage to Loyd Robbins in May of 2015. Love lives again!