Relationship Rescue
Why Relationships Are So Hard
This article was written by Freya Robbins
Do you feel like your relationships come naturally or do you feel like they are a lot of work? I often get
the question “Why are relationships so hard?” People are frustrated in today’s age with finding a
meaningful relationship. The good news is if you have found a meaningful relationship that there is
hope. According to statistics as of 2020 researchers estimate that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce. Which is less than half.
If two people are willing to work together to make things work, it can happen! Today couples and
individuals are faced with different challenges than those our grandparents faced. You have instant
access to everything at the click of a button, with social media consumption being at an all time high
Especially with the pandemic; people see and have “access” to what they think the perfect relationship
is or the most beautiful man or woman is. But none of that is real. It is all filters and multiple attempts to
get the “perfect” shot. Relationships are not easy and not always happy, because life is full of ups and
downs. But if you have built a solid foundation with your partner working on communication and
actively listening to each other will add so much benefit and make the relationship easier.
The work culture also promotes working hard day in and day out, instead of focusing on a well-balanced
life where you stop to think and evaluate if something you are going to say yes to will add value to your
life. Mental, physical, and spiritual health are all important in creating a healthy love relationship. In
hindsight the construct of relationships really hasn’t changed.
Relationships still take:
- Hard work
- Commitment
- Communication
- Compromise
- Love
All these things are vital to making a relationship not only exist but thrive. When couples come in to see
me for divorce mediation, one thing that plays a role in every case is communication. You learn as
infants how to babble and speak to one another, but have you learned how to communicate and be
effective at it? There are many different communication styles, 5 major ones including:
- Assertive Communication
- Assertive
- Considered to be the most effective communication style.
- Confident in their convictions but makes sure that they do not belittle or steamroll
others in the conversation. - Seek compromise and consensus through active listening.
- Aggressive Communication
- Can be hostile, threatening, and comes from a place of wanting to win at all costs.
- Behaves as if their contribution to the conversation is more important than anyone else.
- This type of communication can result in people feeling belittled, steamrolled, and
intimidated.
- Passive Communication
- Submissive communication style. Another way of describing it is the “people-pleaser”
type. - Self-effacing, conflict-avoidant, and easy-going.
- Passive communicators tend to step back and let other, more assertive, or aggressive,
people lead the way.
- Submissive communication style. Another way of describing it is the “people-pleaser”
- Passive-aggressive Communication
- Submissive communication style. Another way of describing it is the “people-pleaser”
type. - Self-effacing, conflict-avoidant, and easy-going.
- Passive communicators tend to step back and let other, more assertive, or aggressive,
people lead the way.
- Submissive communication style. Another way of describing it is the “people-pleaser”
- Manipulative Communication
- Cunning, deceit, and influence to control the outcome of the conversation.
- Often characterized as insincere and patronizing.
- Rarely say what they mean, instead they will bury their real goals within layers of obfuscation to get their way without the other person even realizing it.
Reference: 5 Types of Communication Styles | How to Improve Yours (valamis.com)
When communicating with your partner it is important to make sure they are in a head space to listen to
what you have to say and are willing to receive it, just like when you talk through two cans and a string,
if there isn’t someone on the other end holding the can tight and holding it to their ear than you are just
speaking words into the atmosphere and not communicating. If you need to collect your thoughts
before sharing with your partner, take a moment and write down your thoughts. Ask your partner if
they are in a headspace to openly listen, and then communicate with them.