Mothers – The Unsung Heroes of Divorce – Thank You

This subject is near and dear to our heart, especially if we have been raised by our mother in a single parent home. This is not to disrespect or put down the fathers and step-fathers who have been available to their children, as we all know there are many cases of those who have been there.  Stay tuned for the June article.

Simply this is a message of honor and thanks to the mothers and maternal role models that have been there for their children. Do you know a woman who has experienced divorce and ended up being  the only parent to  physically, emotionally and sometimes financially care for their children?  Is she your neighbor, a co-worker;  or  perhaps it is your own mother.

Mother’s often put their own needs and desires behind the needs and desires of their family.  After divorce, these mother’s continue to sacrifice so that their children have what they need, while the mother’s go without.  Personally, I have seen mother’s go without health insurance while their children have health insurance.  I see mother forgo further education while they set aside money for their children’s education.  Mother’s will buy used clothes so they can take their kids to buy new clothes, mothers will forgo counseling to take their children to a counselor.

These mothers are the ones that are involved in their children’s school, extracurricular activities etc, while sacrificing their own social time and activities. What makes up do this for our children? We are socialized to be caregivers and nurturers, so it comes naturally for us to give unselfishly. It gives us great joy to do for others.  She cooks, she cleans, she works, she is with us as bed time, she is there  to mend our cuts and bruises, to talk to us about our hopes and dreams, fears and successes, to guide us about the right choices of friends or  a mate in life, to practice our spelling and anatomy questions, to take us to school and pick us up from activities, to see to it that we have a birthday party, to call the doctor and take time off of work to get us there, to work alongside of us when teaching us a new skill, to loan us the family car, to advocate for us when we run into a snag, tell us with love when we are clearly wrong, to encourage us when we think we can’t go on, to love us when we are unlovable,  to attend our concerts, plays, and other performances, to pick out gifts for us that really matter to us, to protect us, to save us from ourselves when we can’t see our own immaturity, to go to the craft store to help us with a last minute project for school.  These are just but a few of what mothers do daily and many times without a simple “Thank you”.

Ah yes, but how do we balance this and still create a healthy environment for our family?  Good question, because some of us take it way too far and don’t realize that our self sacrificing can be a detriment to our children  if we aren’t setting a good example.  What  if, in fact, we are not taking care of ourselves?  Should we provide for health insurance for ourselves?  Should we get educated?  Should we take time for ourselves when our children need us?

Yes to all of these, but everything in moderation, it doesn’t have to be all or none.  If we are not taking care of ourselves, how can we take care of another?  We have all heard this every time we fly when the flight attendant instructs  us to put the oxygen mask over our mouth first before we assist our children.  The same goes for our bank account and our health.  If we are physically or emotionally hurting, then how can we possibly there for our children?  If this is you, let it be a wakeup call to take care of yourself so that you will be there in years to come to care for your children.

Many, many thanks to the Moms who have given of themselves to their children.  It is never about the material things in life, it is always about the relationship that we create and nurture.  Enjoy your Mother’s Day and know that you have made a positive impact in the life of a child.

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