Holiday Heartaches
This article was written by Freya Robbins
If Valentine’s Day is the season of love, why do so many couples break up around the Holidays?
It is only from my own perspective of working with couples the past 16 years who seek a divorce that is fair and equal but not hurtful to each other that I have collected this information. In looking back over the years, patterns of interest in a dissolution show up frequently after Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and often in September. I attribute this time as significant family and romantic holidays and after family summer vacations which is also when children go back to school.
Let us say this is true. So what? What does it mean? When one thinks about the complexity of relationships, from your own biological family, how you were raised, interactions, and feelings you have about your family that alone can be complicated. Add to that, a new person to the mix that has their own biological family, culture, and their different feelings and connections. Work into the mixture your idiosyncrasies and your mate’s idiosyncrasies and you could have an artful collection of joyous memories or you could start to have challenges.
This might sound complicated and yet we have not added children, religion, work stress, illness, in-law issues, finances, blended families, politics, or other life occurrences that can throw any normal person off track. Whew! I am worn out just writing this. Please do not despair if you are happily in love – you should only be reading this for your friends who might need my help.
During the ups and downs of our relationships, I believe we subconsciously or perhaps even consciously assess our love relationship. If it has been a particularly stressful Christmas, one might say “I am never going through another Christmas with her!” Aren’t we acutely aware of our feelings for another especially on Valentine’s Day, if no other day? It is, after all, the universal day to show your love and affection for your sweetheart. If you cannot find a card that says what you want because it is too sappy, maybe you are someone who is in the “I am not sure about this relationship zone” and you need help working on this relationship or ending it in a respectful way.
If you want to work on your relationship you might consider learning your partner’s love languages. If you have never read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend it. You will learn a lot about yourself as well as your partner. If you have already been in counseling and want to part the kinder gentler way, which means doing the right thing by each other but not being taken advantage of, give me a call.