Happy New Year!

Freya’s Financial Facts Regarding Divorce

January 2006

 Happy New Year! We hope this is a year for progress and good health; physically, emotionally and financially.

If a possible divorce is ahead of you in the New Year, there is much to think about. It can be draining financially and emotionally but should not be devastating. The first thing is to focus on the future rather than the past. You are either moving forward or backward, life doesn’t stand still. So which direction are you moving in?

One fun exercise we do with our clients goes like this. We stand the client up against a wall with their nose touching it and tell them to take a step forward. Obviously they cannot or they run into the wall. Once we ask them to turn around and get them to face forward, progress becomes possible. Driving a car and looking only in the rearview mirror does not improve your driving.

So, start now, turn around, and forget about what has happened in the past and all the mistakes you think you have made. Take this time to think about what you truly want to be different in your life.

We like to establish different categories: Personal Financial, Business Financial, Physical Health, Emotional Health, Exercise, Career, Educational, Spiritual, Relationships with Individuals, such as Children, Family members and Mate. Use a separate sheet of paper for each category. Give it a rating from 1-10. A 2 rating would mean it needs significant improvement. Now create a list of what improvements you are willing to work toward this year that would move that category from its current rating to a higher one. That list now becomes your “to do” list for that category.

Divorce is an emotional decision to begin with but eventually moves towards a financial decision. The process of divorce begins in the early stages of thinking about whether you want to or can even afford to get a divorce. Divorce itself involves working out a financial plan for you for the long term. We begin by gathering all of your financial data and putting it together in a fashion that helps you make sense out of it. When working with a couple or an individual, we establish a financial plan or an exit strategy for the divorce to help both parties not just survive, but prosper. How can you possibly think about divorce if you don’t know if and how you can exist financially?

We have found in some cases that the establishment of a sound financial plan actually helps the marriage continue, because the issue in divorce is usually control and often about control of money. Establishing a financial plan shows each party his or her role and forces a sharing of responsibility for the financial decisions in a marriage. If you believe that money issues are about to end your marriage, please contact us for a consultation before it is too late.

Once you are sure that divorce is the direction you are headed, we can assist you with the process of sorting through your other financial concerns. It is easiest for us to begin working with a couple or individual prior to them beginning the divorce process. However, we work with couples at all phases of a divorce. No matter where you are in the process, get the assistance you need and deserve right now.

Many couples come to us when they are in the midst of divorce and feel like they are at a standstill with their negotiations. Sometimes, as much as the attorneys have tried, the nature of the legal system keeps the divorcing couple from seeing each other’s perspectives and coming to an amicable agreement. Because we measure the finances for both parties, our mediation format works effectively to resolve the differences and concerns of both parties.

Our view is if both parties feel good about the agreement then we feel good. It can be a winning situation for everyone, rather than a financial calamity.