3 Ways Marriage Mediation Can Help a Relationship

Female mediator taking notes while talking to a married couple sitting on a couch holding hands

This article was written by Freya Robbins

First of all, you may be wondering what marriage mediation is? Most of us have heard of divorce mediation, which is a neutral third party that assists a couple in getting a divorce. So, the likely and correct answer is, marriage mediation is a neutral third party that assists a couple in making the marriage work.

Marriage mediation is not meant to replace intensive therapy that a couple or either of the individuals might need. The purpose is to help ward off a possible divorce in the future by addressing issues today. The professionals who are involved in the day to day business of family law, counseling, divorce mediation agree that if the couples getting divorced today, had taken note of their situation several years prior, perhaps they could have prevented divorce altogether.

Maybe this is you, and you feel that the divorce that you had in the past could have been prevented, or perhaps you have been considering divorce and wonder if there is hope for your marriage. Here are three ways that Marriage Mediation could be useful.

1. Marriage mediation is the perfect process to stop and take an inventory of the current relationship and work on issues that are becoming a problem for the couple. Possible issues could be, how the family money is being earned and spent, division of labor, as in who is doing what around the house on a daily basis to keep things in order, how decisions are made to earn, spend and invest money. As well, issues relating to the rearing of the children, and the couple’s relationship, such as how much time is spent with extended family, in-law issues, travel plans, education and extracurricular activity decisions and expenses for the children. The result of this might be that you have put your marriage back together. It might also be that you decide that you do need to move towards a divorce, but that at least you have exhausted the possibilities of trying to make it work first, without rushing to divorce.

African American couple sitting at a table looking over and discussing documents with a calculator and a laptop on the table. Cups of coffee on the table with a pair of glasses

2. Marriage mediation is an extremely useful tool for the couple that is not married, but has chosen to live together, and is struggling to put things in order to provide equity and sanity in their relationship, while also protecting each other’s financial and emotional interests. More and more couples are choosing to live together and not marry. Most people do this because they feel it prevents them from ever needing to get a divorce, should the relationship not work out in the future. The fallacy is thinking that living together and not marrying will prevent any issues in the future. There are still many serious emotional and financial issues that can be a problem in the future for these couples. Creating a plan or an agreement for the two of you would provide clarity and bring peace of mind to the relationship. Consider this a systematic way of creating guidelines to operate by. The result of this could be an informal or formal agreement between you.

3. Marriage Mediation is essential for the couple that is preparing for marriage now or in the near future. Now is the best time to sit down together and talk about the expectations of each of you and to address any concerns with a mediator. The result of this could be just a better understanding of what to expect after the excitement of the wedding. It might be an informal or formal agreement about your finances as well, if that is something that interests you. If you can smooth out any rough patches now, you may prevent problems down the road. Perhaps you are not even sure if this person is right for you and you want to use this process to ferret out a possible mismatch.

 Today, people are waiting longer to marry, which means more people are living together unmarried. Without some agreement between the two of you, you are vulnerable to each other’s expectations and laws that you may not even be aware of.

Some people think that formalizing or creating an agreement between the two of you, can take the romance out of a relationship. It can actually put the romance back in the relationship, because now that the details are handled, you can focus on each other!

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Freya Robbins

Freya has been assisting families for years, combining professional training and her own experience in marriage, parenting and divorce; she truly relates to her clients. Freya founded Zollinger Mediation was in 2004, and she has been assisting families with divorce mediation, marital mediation, pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements and eldercare mediation since. Freya business is known as The Positive Alternative to adversarial divorce. She educates her clients and shares ideas in a straightforward but accepting way about how to resolve conflict. In addition to her mediation practice, Freya holds a Series 6 License and is licensed to sell Life and Health Insurance, Annuities, Mutual Funds and Retirement plans. She holds a Certification in Long Term Care (CLTC) and is certified as a Chartered Special Needs Consultant (ChSNC). She helps families with special needs as she has a son with Epilepsy. She also cared for both of her parents as they needed assistance with care and in preparation for passing. Freya has written articles for West Coast Woman Magazine, the Observer and has been volunteer speaker for the Women’s Resource Center of Sarasota County. Freya is an advocate for eliminating Childhood Sexual Abuse and serves on the Board of the Child Protection Center in Sarasota, FL. Freya raised her 2 children as a single parent while building her businesses. Freya serves on the board of the Sarasota County Senior Advocacy Council and Josh Provides Epilepsy Support Group. Her most recent claim to fame is her marriage to Loyd Robbins in May of 2015. Love lives again!